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We are pleased to share this guest article today by Sarah Maria (our show guest for November 10th). Learn more about Sarah and her work at the end of this article.
Have you ever looked in the mirror and been dismayed by the cellulite on your thighs or the wrinkles around your eyes? Have you thought about buying a new bathing suit but cringed at the idea of looking at yourself in the dressing room mirror? Have you ever longed to be taller, thinner, younger, or stronger?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. In fact, you are among the 80 to 90 percent of women, and growing number of men, who dislike their physical appearance and are dissatisfied with their bodies. Body hatred has become an epidemic of unfathomable proportions in this culture.
How does this dissatisfaction manifest itself in your life? In more ways than you might imagine. Beauty and body size are often associated with success—in romance, business, or any other facet of life, and if you don’t think you meet society’s “beauty ideal,” you may feel inadequate, ashamed, and embarrassed. Consciously or unconsciously, you suffer unnecessarily because you don’t think you are beautiful enough, thin enough, or good enough to live the life of your dreams, the life you deserve. You accept less, much less, than you truly want, need, or deserve, because you feel inadequate about your body and yourself.
The truth is that your sense of inadequacy is an illusion, or more a delusion. Yes, it’s true. Many Americans suffer from this grand delusion: If I am not thin/tall/toned/beautiful/young enough, I can’t live my life fully or realize my dreams. Rather than truly loving our bodies, minds, and souls, we want to nip and tuck, slice and dice, starve and purge our way to being adequate. We think we need to change something about ourselves in order to be deserving of love, attention, and affection.
What Is Negative Body Obsession?
This deluded sense of inadequacy has a name: Negative Body Obsession, or NBO. NBO is a condition marked by a near-constant critical rumination on one’s appearance. Though NBO has yet to show up in the psychologist’s bible Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it is a very real, very prevalent, and, dare I say, nearly ubiquitous condition in modern society.
Do You Have NBO?
How do you know if you are suffering from Negative Body Obsession? No blood test will tell you; it’s a matter of evaluating your feelings and reactions at certain moments. For example, Negative Body Obsession is the:
• Sigh of resignation when you notice the wrinkles around your eyes
• Grimace when your best friend gets a boob job and you wonder if you should, too
• Feeling of defeat when you realize your high school jeans no longer fit
• Panic you feel when you realize you ate too much at Thanksgiving dinner
• Anxious thought that you must maintain your physique in order to get the relationship or the job you want
NBO is any and every thought, feeling, and action that makes your sense of self-worth dependent on your physical appearance. It is the thought that implies “If I am thin, I will be beautiful.” It is the outlook that says “If I didn’t have these wrinkles, I would be attractive.” It is the voice that says “If I lose weight, I will feel good about myself.” It is the feeling that if only you were taller, thinner, younger, or stronger, you would be more deserving, more attractive, and more lovable than you are right now.
Making Improvements to Your Body for the Right Reasons
Let me address a potential point of confusion from the get-go. The problem with NBO is not that it makes you want to change, per se. There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to get stronger; to become healthier; and to feel more radiant, beautiful, and alive. In fact, your desire for improvement can serve as an impetus for tremendous growth and development.
NBO creeps in, however, when your desires for improvement are motivated by a gnawing sense of inadequacy, a subtle belief that you are not quite wonderful the way you are. When your desires come from this place of inadequacy, your attempts to fulfill them are often thwarted or require tremendous effort. When you learn to fully befriend, accept, and love yourself, on the other hand, improvement can happen with patience, ease, and grace. When improvement comes from a place of acceptance and perfection, your potential for growth is unlimited. We’ll talk more about this later.
Isn’t NBO Normal?
Negative Body Obsession has become such a mainstay of modern culture that you may think it’s the only way to live. Many hardworking, bright people would agree with you—I have met some of them, in fact. As part of my own journey away from NBO, I had the pleasure of working with two different psychologists, both of whom I respect tremendously, at two separate times in my life. When discussing my concerns and angst about my body, they both told me that all women (and a growing number of men) in modern society struggle to some extent with dissatisfaction with their bodies. I was not surprised to hear that; I’d heard friends, family, and coworkers complain about their bodies, too.
What did bother me was that their statements implied that NBO was just the nature of life in modern society. It was just something I’d have to learn to live with. I could choose to continue my unhealthy obsessive angst or settle for a milder and more acceptable general form of dissatisfaction. Either way, love of my body and complete freedom from physical dissatisfaction was not mentioned as an option.
Although their insight and expertise helped me tremendously, there was always a small voice inside me that yearned for something more. Part of me knew that even if this discontent was “normal,” it was not natural. There is nothing natural about:
• A gnawing discontent with your physical appearance
• Wanting to be somehow different so that you can feel beautiful, desirable, and successful
• Feeling dissatisfied every time you look in the mirror
• Believing that life would be better if you just weighed a little less or looked a little younger
On the contrary, what is natural is:
• The unshakable knowledge in your inherent beauty, goodness, and strength
• Experiencing yourself as inherently perfect
• Experiencing the peace and bliss of your own being
• Knowing that you are absolutely lovable in this very moment
So yes, Negative Body Obsession is “normal” and very common. But it is anything but natural.
The above is an excerpt from the book Love Your Body, Love Your Life: 5 Steps to End Negative Body Obsession and Start Living Happily and Confidently by Sarah Maria. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.
Sarah Maria is the author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life. The book outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body and yourself. Click here to purchase your copy and begin to love your body today. To learn more about Sarah Maria and her work, you can visit her website at http://www.sarahmaria.com and www.breakfreebeauty.com. Also, catch Sarah when she guests on our radio show, The Art of Joyful Living on Tuesday, November 10th at noon EST.
The next episode of The Art of Joyful Living is our monthly question and answer show.
Submit your questions, and we’ll be happy to answer them.
We are so sorry that our show didn’t happen today. Blog Talk Radio must have been experiencing technical difficulties because neither one of us was able to get on the air. We’ll present today’s topic (the power of language) next month.
Next week, we’re happy to have Veronica Drake as our guest.
So, what is it? What is the #1 mindset shift you need to make to manifest all of your desires? The great thing about it is that it’s actually a very simple concept. Here it is: KNOW WHO YOU ARE! Yup, it’s really that simple. AND, to make it even easier for you, I’m actually going to tell you who you are.
Who are you? That’s easy. YOU ARE A POWERFUL CREATOR. You are connected to a universe of infinite source energy from which you can deliberately create all of your heart’s desires. In fact, you are an extension of this powerful source energy because you exist in this universe. We are all able to tap into the energy – the very power – that creates worlds. You are the creator of your life. Everything in your life. If you want to manifest your desires, take full and total responsibility for your life right now in this moment. Most of us are willing to take credit for the good stuff in our lives because it feels good to do so. Often, however, we want to blame others for what we don’t like because taking responsibility for those things doesn’t feel good. We want to blame our parents, or our partners, or our children, or our bosses, or society, or the government or even just a cruel fate. The problem with that is that, although it may feel comfortable in the moment to abdicate our responsibility, it leaves us at the mercy of something outside ourselves. When we take back our power, acknowledge that we created this current state of affairs and we can choose to create any future state we wish, it feels amazing and that is when we are able to truly manifest our dreams. Sounds great, doesn’t it?
As a law of attraction coach and talk radio host, I often hear from people who say, “I tried the Law of Attraction and it didn’t work for me.” What is usually happening for these folks is that they tried some of the Law of Attraction practices and didn’t get the results they wanted so they assume it isn’t working at all. However, Law of Attraction is ALWAYS operating in your life (just like gravity). There are no exceptions to it, none. Everything that is currently manifested in your life showed up as a result of the energy (remember that source power) that you were putting out into the world. Law of Attraction is simple: like attracts like. What you focus on is what you get. Typically, if you focus on what isn’t working right now, you will attract more of that to you. This is why it can feel like Law of Attraction isn’t working – because you are manifesting (by default) what you don’t want rather than deliberately and consistently manifesting the results that you do want.
So, remember always that you are a powerful creator with an unlimited supply of source energy at your disposal. You are talented and deserving of all that you desire. Believe this about yourself (as I believe it of you), take full responsibilty for everything you have created up to this point (without any judgement) and focus on creating a future filled with everything you want. Nonjudgemental personal responsibility is the secret to empowerment (which by the way is one of the secrets of effortless success) and, empowerment is your secret to manifesting your truest desires. Talke a moment right now to acknowledge your true power, claim it right here, right now!
Here’s a little exercise you can do every day to remind yourself of who you are (and of how great you are). Go through your day observing “what is” in your life and affirm to yourself, “I created this. I’m an amazing and powerful creator.” No matter what you are observing, whether it’s something wanted or unwanted, acknowledge that you are the power behind it. If you do this one thing on a consistent basis until you really believe in your bones that you create your reality, I promise you it will revolutionize your life.
Relax and enjoy the transformation that happens in your life – in your relationships, your health, your level of prosperity, your peace of mind and in the amount of joy you experience every day.
Hope this helps!
Ruth
P.S. Remember to grab your free copy of the Effortless Success Tool Kit over at the new webiste http://www.CoachRuth.com while it is still available.
If you have tried unsuccessfully to manifest your desires, you need to be on our brand-new free teleclass: “The Art of Joyful Living: 7 Simple Steps to Mastering the Law of Attraction and Creating Everything You Want, While Experiencing Amazing Joy Every Day” on Tuesday, September 1st at 5:00pm EDT.
Ready to cut to the chase and reserve your seat? Click here: http://bit.ly/Bw1u5
On this groundbreaking call you’ll learn:
- Why the LOA doesn’t work for many people who try it
- The 7 simple steps that will make it work for you, this formula works like magic
- How to get crystal clear about what you want to manifest, we’ll guide you through a step by step process right on this call
- Our secrets to clearing all your blocks to abundance and turbo charging your results
- The most critical mindset shift you need to make before you can create what you want
Here’s that link again to reserve your spot in this complementary teleclass:
Register even if you can’t be on the live call, and we’ll send you the recording so you can listen at your convenience.
By Ruth Hegarty, Effortless Success Strategist
I’ve been talking a lot recently with women about connecting with your personal and entrepreneurial vision and image of who you want to be. The more you understand your authentic vision for yourself, the more successful you will be and the more effortless it will feel.
This process can be extremely joyful when you enter into it in the spirit of discovery and fulfillment. Set some time aside (don’t overwhelm yourself, if spending a day or even a few hours on this feels too scary, plan to spend 10-15 minutes each day on it until you are done) and get started.
To get started, get a vivid picture in your mind of who you want to be based on the following questions (remember, this is you “in a perfect word” so don’t get hung up on what you think you are capable of at this moment. Instead, go for what you WANT):
1. As a woman, who do you want to be? Who do you REALLY want to be?
2. What personality traits, talents and unique qualities do you have (what ones do you want to have)? Are you funny, happy, quirky, a great writer, athletic, etc.?
3. What is your lifestyle like? Do you feel a sense of balance? Do you have enough fun, love, spirit, etc. in your life?
4. What is your appearance? What is your hairstyle? Make up routine? What fashion statement do you make? Do you have a business look and a play look? Do you love all of your clothes?
5. How do you stay fit? Do you go to the gym? Practice yoga? Stay fit playing with your children? What’s your nutrition profile? What are the foods you eat regularly? What are your splurges?
6. What are your goals? What are you truly committed to? What will you accomplish no matter what?
7. What is your relationship with money? Do you earn what you want (and deserve)? What work do you do? Where do you do your work? Who helps you? Do you love it?
8. What is the state of your relationships? Do you have plenty of love and companionship in your life?
9. What is your relationship with spirit? Do you have a spiritual practice? Do you share your spiritual life with others?
10. What is your home like? Do you love your physical environment? Is it beautiful? Functional? Colorful?
Use as much descriptive detail as you can so that you really and truly get to see yourself in this vision. Consider all the different roles you play in life – wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, entrepreneur, community member, etc. How do you see yourself in all of these areas?
Don’t second guess yourself!
If you have tried unsuccessfully to manifest your desires, you need to be on our brand-new free teleclass: “The Art of Joyful Living: 7 Simple Steps to Mastering the Law of Attraction and Creating Everything You Want, While Experiencing Amazing Joy Every Day” on Tuesday, September 1st at 5:00pm EST.
Ready to cut to the chase and reserve your seat? Click here: http://bit.ly/Bw1u5
On this groundbreaking call you’ll learn:
- Why the LOA doesn’t work for many people who try it
- The 7 simple steps that will make it work for you, this formula works like magic
- How to get crystal clear about what you want to manifest, we’ll guide you through a step by step process right on this call
- Our secrets to clearing all your blocks to abundance and turbo charging your results
- The most critical mindset shift you need to make before you can create what you want
Here’s that link again to reserve your spot in this complementary teleclass:
Register even if you can’t be on the live call, and we’ll send you the recording so you can listen at your convenience.
One day someone in one of my mastermind groups told me she thought of me as the “Queen of Ease” which I absolutely loved (and may continue to use as my alter ego) since my mission in life is to help the woman entrepreneur have more time and energy for herself AND more money and success in her business – AND do this all in a way that feels effortless!
I love the sound and feel of the words effortless, ease, simple, etc. For me, they are all related and mean that there is always – ALWAYS – a way to do something that feels good and doesn’t feel like work. The key to remember is that even actual work doesn’t have to feel like work. That is what ease and effortless are all about. It’s a mindset that orients you toward looking for a better way to get things done. These can be anything from hiring someone else to do things for you, finding the simplest and most comfortable strategy for getting things done or deciding that it doesn’t even need to happen (this one is great for anything you think you “should” do. You can delegate tasks to staff, family, etc. You can also delegate tasks to technology. This is one of the ways I get so much done online – I take a little time to automate my systems and then they run themselves after that.
Ease can mean different things to different people. It doesn’t mean lazy though it can include lying around. Ease can include lots of activity so long as it feels great to you and feels effortless. All of the behaviors of ease follow naturally after you create the mindset. The ease mindset begins with your intention to live joyfully and meaningfully no matter what your current situation. Joy and meaning breed ease.
Effortless success in your business is also as much a state of mind as a set of specific actions that you need to take to experience higher income, fewer work hours, more freedom, time, energy, etc. Believe it or not, much of my business model is based on the following quotation from the Dalai Lama:
“I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.”
Creating an internal landscape that highlights your desire to live happily, prosperously and with ease is the first step toward manifesting an outer life that includes all of the people, places and things that you desire. Doing the inside work first allows you to effortlessly manifest the business and life of your dreams.
This quotation from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is one of my personal inspirations for my inner life:
“How we feel about ourselves, the joy we get from living, ultimately depends directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experiences. Whether we are happy depends on inner harmony, not on the controls we are able to exert over the great forces of the universe.”
What this means is that your mindset/attitude is what creates the internal landscape that allows you to manifest ease in your life. You absolutely get to choose what mindset you will adopt on any topic and how you view the world. Is your glass half full or half empty?
Since I’m on a quotation kick with this article, here’s one of my favorites on choice by the very wise Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft & Wizardry:
“It’s our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
So, where do you begin to create the mindset of ease and joy in your own life? Start with what makes you happy. What makes you smile? What brings on a deep belly laugh? Who, when you think of them, makes you happy? What is your favorite color and do you see it every day? What is your favorite food and when was the last time you ate it? What about your favorite client makes him/her your favorite client? What tasks do you absolutely love to do in your business and how much of your day do you get to spend doing that? Are you starting to see a pattern here? You begin to create a mindset of ease and joy by thinking consistently about the people, places and things that feel joyful and effortless to you. Once you get to that amazing feeling place of ease and joy in any area of your life, you can begin to deliberately apply it to any and all areas of your life. Ask yourself what is effortless and joyful about your home, your relationships, your community, your stuff, etc. Spend more time around the joyful and effortless stuff and less (if any) time on everything else.
As you are asking yourself these questions, begin to imagine what your life will look and feel like once you are living the Zen of ease. For example, picture yourself working the hours you choose, with clients you love, while making more money than ever before and loving every minute of it. How will it be when you are experiencing more freedom, fun, financial bounty, energy and recognition in your business while doing work that helps and inspires your clients and customers? Imagine all the outrageous possibilities for your life.
On the Art of Joyful Living Radio Show July 21st, we are delighted to have as our guest Maria Lesetz. Maria is a Health & Happiness Coach who specializes in Law of Attraction techniques to help you reduce stress, lose weight, overcome challenges with a chronic health condition, experience more joy each day, and make conscious choices in your life that will help you to manifest all your desires and dreams! You can learn more about Maria and her work at her website: http://www.lovinlifenow.com. Today, Maria will take us on a “Road Trip to Wellness” that will show you how to attract great health using the LOA. Maria has helped thousands of individuals to eliminate stress and shift limiting thoughts and beliefs to more empowering ones by learning how to implement the Law of Attraction in their favor! As a result, her clients experience improved overall health and well-being and a greater sense of inner peace. As a Health & Wellness Coach, Maria teaches her clients how to stay positive and easily manifest their health & wellness goals, despite ANY health challenges they may be facing. Maria is a bundle of energy and spreads her positive attitude to EVERYONE she speaks to! Yet,most people would never know that she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. The typical comment she hears from individuals after one of her keynote speeches is “Are you sure you have MS? You are SO POSITIVE and have SO MUCH ENERGY!” (Of course, that’s all she answers is “I was diagnosed with MS in 2002 but it’s just another bump in the road!” That’s the only attention she will give it.)
Here’s some cool feedback on the show we got recently from one of our listeners and I really wanted to share it with you: “…just listened to the Art of Joyful Living Radio show and it ROCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Awesome show! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!”
